Mentioning Clive James in yesterday’s blog sent me back to one of his poems, ‘Sentenced To Life’ in which he reflects on his illness and the physical restrictions it has placed on him:
‘Sentenced to life, I sleep face-up as though
Ice-bound, lest I should cough the night away,
And when I walk the mile to town, I show
the right technique for wading through deep clay.’
He also has to deal with thoughts of past misjudgments and mistakes which weigh heavily on him and which cause regret and guilt. But through all of this he discovers a new perspective on life:
‘Now, not just old, but ill, with much amiss,
I see things with a whole new emphasis.’
Despite the discomfort and debility he has time and opportunity to take in the world around him and to appreciate things that have escaped him in the past:
‘Once, I would not have noticed; nor have known
The name for Japanese anemones,
So pale, so frail. But now I catch the tone
Of leaves. No birds can touch down in the trees
Without my seeing them. I count the bees.’
This is something I have experienced. When you are forced to slow down you ‘notice’ more, you have opportunity to dwell on your surroundings in ways you may never have done before. No longer able to go places, see people, do things, you focus on what you hear and see and touch. Jesus was steeped in His world and He preached out of it. He was connected to what was around Him and that formed the basis of His connection with men and women. Not just the seeds and the flowers and the birds. Read the parables. This was a world where travellers were brutally mugged, where young men made potentially life-destroying decisions, where emissaries from landowners were beaten up and murdered. He ‘noticed’ and He made connections.
I wonder if Clive James would say that his illness has been worth the life-enhancement he has experienced. What is beyond doubt is that the ‘noticing’ afforded by his illness has led to a deeper appreciation of life. I can say that too and hope that when all this is behind me my ability to ‘notice’ has been heightened.
