They say that confession is good for the soul. Apparently it is of interest to others. One of the first works of Christian biography is The Confessions Of St. Augustine in which he details his sinful life before his conversion and some of his continuing struggles. It was written largely in the fourth and fifth centuries AD, has probably not been out of circulation since, and is now regarded not just as a Christian devotional classic but an important work of ancient literature. Obviously generations of Christians have found it helpful to know how the mistakes and moral failures of the past need not hold back our Christian growth. As long as we willing to be honest before our God, trust in His forgiveness, and depend upon the grace that enables us to believe that we have a future as well as a past.
The problem is that sometimes we can become fixated on the failures of yesterday, not only ours but those of others. A recovered alcoholic once told me that at one time he was happy to tell his story to various groups of people. It was therapeutic and it gave him an opportunity to bear witness to the role the Gospel played in his rehabilitation. After a while, however, it begin to feel as if we was raking over the coals of a former life which he did not want to deny but which no longer defined him as a person. I can understand this. Sometimes in the Church we too readily label people as ‘former alcoholic’, ‘former drug addict’ etc. as if this is their only significance in our eyes. Perhaps we need to realise that the miracle of regeneration is fundamental to all our lives. ‘I’m looking for a miracle in my life,’ sang the Moody Blues. (Showing my age!) This is the one genuine miracle that happens in the life of any believer: that they now possess the Holy Spirit of God. Their story may not be the kind that will grab a great deal of attention in the world or even in the Church but as Jesus said there is joy in heaven over one sinner who repents.
My reason for going down this road today was to make a confession but I now fear it is more than just a little trivial. I was going to ‘fess up’ and share with you my realisation that in my present circumstances it was a mistake going back to the gym and ‘getting tore into’ the bag they way I did. It felt good at the time but since then I have paid the price. I suppose it is all part of the learning curve that anyone undergoing cancer treatment has to travel. At the beginning of all this the myeloma nurse gave me a booklet entitled: ‘Exercises For Myeloma Patients’. It involved sitting in a chair and raising your arms and legs. I burst out laughing. Giving this to the guy who was recently dead lifting 120 kilos! The nurse didn’t laugh. She he knew I was in for a shock.
Maybe there is a point to this. At the heart of my response to the booklet was pride and probably an unwillingness to recognise the implications of my condition. A reminder to me that there are more important issues to be dealt with in my life than my cancer. Come in again Paul! When he was writing to his pal Timothy who was having to deal with false teaching in the Church at Ephesus he reminded him that this was not healthy disagreement but ruinous to faith and ultimately destructive of the Church. Only the truth of the Gospel can mould the Christian’s life and build up the Church:
‘ If you point these things out to the brothers and sisters, you will be a good minister of Christ Jesus, nourished on the truths of the faith and of the good teaching that you have followed. Have nothing to do with godless myths and old wives’ tales; rather, train yourself to be godly. For physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come.’ (1 Timothy 4: 6-8)
Training myself to be godly is the supreme priority no matter what the circumstances. The physical training of necessity has to be less intensive at present. What is always imperative is the application of God’s truth to my life. The training that has value in light or darkness, strength or weakness, health or sickness.
