Representations of clergy in films or television are very rarely positive. They are usually seen as mad, bad or sad or even some combination of these three. Occasionally they are good for a laugh but not especially effective. It was refreshing therefore to watch Broken shown on the BBC almost two years ago. It starred Sean Bean as Father Michael Kerrigan working in a parish in a northern English city and seeking to support people through issues arising from poverty and social exclusion. He has his own personal struggles. He is prone to powerful flash-backs to his traumatic childhood and to times when his behaviour has been morally questionable. These are particularly intense when he is leading worship, leaving him psychologically drained. He seeks the counsel of a fellow priest who is sympathetic and supportive but cannot escape the darkness that has fallen on his inner life. Eventually he finds himself questioning his vocation and his faith.
The weight of the past is a burden that Father Michael shares with many Bible people. Psalm 51 arises out of David’s adultery with Bathsheba which also involved David’s involvement in the death of her husband Uriah. David writes:
‘Have mercy on me, O God, according to your unfailing love; according to your great compassion blot out my transgressions. Wash away all my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin. For I know my transgressions, and my sin is always before me.’ (vv. 1-3)
He goes on:
‘Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.’ (v. 10)
There must be many of us who would like troubling memories, those things that stick in our souls like broken glass, to be smoothed away. The memories might always be with us, those things happened, but it would be a blessing if they no longer caused us pain. We can’t be sure if Paul’s past no longer caused him pain but it certainly did not hinder his calling to be an apostle. He makes frequent reference to his past as a persecutor of the Church in her earliest days:
‘For I am the least of the apostles and do not even deserve to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all of them—yet not I, but the grace of God that was with me.’ (1 Corinthians 15: 9-10)
This is what is amazing about grace, that a life that was set in fierce opposition to Christ can be turned around and become a powerful witness to His name. The memory of what he was would never leave Paul but the edges of the broken glass had been smoothed down. He lived with the memory but was not paralysed by it. He was given grace to work his heart out in the cause of the Gospel. The song sung by Ray Davies over the end credits of Broken come to mind:
‘We are lost, we are scattered
We're balmy and we're battered
We might be bruised but we're not broken.’
