There wasn’t much reading done in the Stem Cell Unit. My concentration was erratic to say the least and I found it difficult to settle to anything. I had brought in Dickens’ Bleak House, all 913 pages hoping I would get through that. Aye right. One of my Christmas presents, however, was a year’s subscription to the New Yorker magazine. If you know it you’ll be aware that the articles tend to be long and often heavy going. But there are always the cartoons. That was good. I could always look at the pictures. One in particular made me laugh out loud. It showed a man in bed with a tragic expression on his face and he is surrounded by his family. He is saying: ‘I wish I had spent more time arguing about ‘Star Wars’ online.’
After the laughter has subsided the serious questions kick in for the man undergoing a bone marrow transplant. When it comes to the crunch what are my priorities? What are my consuming interests? What are those things I need for a fulfilling life? Those are the kinds of questions that rattle around in the brain. You probably know Samuel Johnson’s oft quoted words: ‘Depend upon it, sir, when a man knows he is to be hanged in a fortnight, it concentrates the mind wonderfully.‘ Not that I ever really believed I was going to die but still if I were the man in cartoon what would be my ‘I wish’? Apparently one of the most popular songs played at funerals is Frank Sinatra’s My Way. I’ve always been a bit dubious about anyone who could say ‘Regrets I’ve had a few/ But then again too few to mention.’ If that is where you are then perhaps there is an unhealthy immunity to the consequences of moral choices made, the hurt that may have been caused by word and deed, the opportunities that may have been lost to set right something that was wrong.
Now I know that you would not want anyone to be burdened with the weight of all this as they face the final challenge. That’s not to say that it is not a reality for many people. The way out of it, the easing of the weight, is for us to consider that whatever regrets we may have personally the whole of our past life, including those things that make us groan in remembrance, has been enveloped in the good and loving purpose of God. I admitted in yesterday’s blog that this kind of statement can often come over as a platitude. But it’s all over Scripture! The goodness and love of God in His purpose for His people is obviously meant to be taken seriously. I go back to Psalm 138: 8:
‘The Lord will fulfil his purpose for me;
your love, O Lord, endures forever -
do not abandon the works of your hands.’
So apply that to your life. ‘When I said that, did that, thought that your purpose for me continued, you never stopped loving me, what you started in my life will be completed.‘ So we can face the end of our lives knowing that whatever thoughts threaten to disturb our peace we can fasten our minds to the great truth that God in the fulness of His love and goodness, the God revealed in Jesus, has never abandoned us and has brought us to this end which is actually the beginning of the fulness of life.
Sometimes it feels as if we have to fight to allow these truths to grow in our inner being and to subdue every negative thought, every disturbing impulse. That will always be part of being a follower of Jesus and being human but we can’t leave it there. Is there a way through the fight to reassurance and peace? That can only come to us when we know our God and His ways and our chief resource will always be His Word. But I’m not going to say: ‘Just read your Bible.’ It’s more important to learn the Bible. That came home to me years ago when I heard a friend say: ‘We need to read the Bible and learn the Bible.‘ What he meant was that it is not enough just to read, not even to understand, but to allow the eternal truths to make an impact in our lives from the inside out. That is something that comes through time and time again in Psalm 119. The Word of God is the focus of this man’s life to the extent that he can say:
‘It was good for me to be afflicted so that I might learn your decrees.’ (verse 71)
In other places he speaks about hiding the Word in his heart (v. 11), meditating on God’s wonders (v. 27), finding comfort in the Word (v. 52), delighting in the Word (v. 70). And so it goes on. The Word is not merely the focus of his mind but the core of his being.
Eugene Peterson’s book Eat This Book is a call to ‘spiritual reading.’ He points out that the Hebrew word for ‘meditate’ is the same word used for an animal growling over its prey. He compares this vigorous image, typically Hebrew, with the rather precious way people often speak of meditation, quietness, candles, positive thoughts etc. The animal is focussed on something specific and to paraphrase Eugene chews and swallows ‘using teeth and tongue, stomach and intestines.’ If a lion was ‘meditating’ a goat she was really taking it in, digesting it, making it part of herself.
For Eugene something similar goes on when a believer truly meditates on the Word:
‘There is a certain kind of writing that invites this kind of reading, soft purrs and low growls as we taste and savor, anticipate and take in the sweet and spicy, mouth-watering and soul-energizing morsel words - “O taste and see that the Lord is good!” (Psalm 34: 8)
We need to approach our Scripture reading in this way, with the prayer that the truths revealed concerning God and His ways will become part of our inner being. This has to be the aspiration of Christian meditation. This is what leads us to that realisation that we are enveloped in God’s love, to a deeper appreciation of His ways, and to that assurance that His good purpose will continue through death into that Kingdom where regrets have no more weight.
