After the success of the ‘harvesting’ it was disappointing to get the news that there has been an increase in the ‘bad stuff’ in my blood. This means that more chemotherapy is required before I can go forward to transplant. To go forward now would diminish the chances of a good remission.
Eugene Peterson once wrote of ‘the sawtooth history of Israel’, how there were times when the people were ‘up’ with God and times when they were ‘down.‘ Going through the cancer experience can be like that but really that is much like the Christian life in general. I was reading 2 Corinthians 1 recently and was struck once again by Paul’s account of experiences he had had in ‘the province of Asia.‘ He doesn’t go into detail but writes:
‘We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death.’ (2 Corinthians 1: 8-9)
But in all the sufferings he had to deal with Paul never doubted God’s presence and that His loving purpose continued to unfold even in the worst of times:
‘But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers.’ (2 Corinthians 1: 9-11)
We struggle with the idea that God might actually be the source of the troubles we have to endure, whatever good He may intend in those troubles. Let’s leave that aside for the time being. What is clear, however, in the testimony of people of faith in Scripture and beyond is that God is present in our troubles and able to take us forward according to His loving purpose. I was reading just this morning:
‘The Lord is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him and I am helped.’ (Psalm 28: 7)
Last Sunday I managed to get out for the morning service at Strathblane Parish Church. Under the ministry of my friend John Wilson I had a strong assurance that I would get through these days and return to ministry. Then the next day came the news that further chemotherapy would be needed. The ‘sawtooth’ experience of the Christian life. Up and down. And the question arises, how do I hold the two together? The way forward is to take to heart the words of Moses to the escaping Hebrew slaves as the shadow of the Egyptian army fell on them:
‘The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.’ (Exodus 14: 14)
It’s a blessing to keep company with voices of faith like this. Those who knew that even in the ‘downs’ of the sawtooth God is fighting for us, actively taking us forward according to His good and loving purpose.
