Still Quarrying 59 - Waiting.

A friend once shared on Facebook her experience of a three hour wait at a clinic made worse because she was without a book.  This prompted another friend to respond: ‘What is this ‘without a book’ of which you speak?‘   I actually laughed out loud at that.  Unthinkable that anyone should face any stretch of time without the ‘blessed companion’ that is a book.  

This came to mind yesterday during the two and a half hours I spent at the Eye Clinic at Gartnavel General ‘without a book’.   I should say that I had the blessed companionship of my wife but after a while the sighs become a bit more frequent, the backs and lower regions begin to protest and you begin to wonder if somehow we have been forgotten.  When eventually your name is called it’s not so much relief as surprise.

But why the Eye Clinic?   For the last two weeks or so I’ve been suffering from conjunctivitis along with sties and it was thought that further investigation was in order.  Any infection in a cancer patient has to be treated seriously.   In the end it appears my presently dodgy immune system is at the heart of the problem.  However with antibiotics and appropriate eye drops things are definitely improving.  

But to get back to this waiting business.  You have to get used to it as a cancer patient.   By and large it  is understandable.  You are not the only patient in the world, you are by no means the most catastrophic patient, the medical staff have a great many unforeseen challenges that arise, you have to accept that waiting patiently is all part of the cancer experience.  

‘Waiting patiently‘ is another of those themes you come up against in the Psalms.   In Psalm 37 David calls upon the ‘righteous’ to stand against what seems to be the relentless advance of the ‘wicked’.  In the face of this David’s counsel is:

‘Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him;

 do not fret when men succeed in their ways,

 when they carry out their wicked schemes.’  (verse 7)

Those of us with a practical turn of mind might wonder how we can cultivate this stillness, this waiting patiently.  Can we expect the Holy Spirit to zap us with these qualities so that patience is as familiar to us as breathing and fretting a distant memory?   My experience and that of many other Christians is different.   None other than John Newton shared his experience in a poem I Asked The Lord That I Might Grow:

‘I asked the Lord that I might grow

 In faith, and love, and every grace;

 Might more of his salvation know,

 And seek, more earnestly, His face.’

The answer he received was not what he anticipated.  He wished for the subduing of his sins and rest.  But:

‘Instead of this, He made me feel 

 The hidden evils of my heart;

 And let the angry pow’rs of hell

 Assault my soul in every part.’  

This almost drives him to despair until he realises that this is the way God answers ‘prayer for grace and faith’.  He places His people in circumstances where they need to depend upon His grace alone and exercise faith in Him alone:

‘These inward trials I employ,

 From self, and pride, to set thee free;

 And break thy schemes of earthly joy, 

 That thou may’st find thy all in Me.’  

The message is: ‘You want to be more patient?  Well, here are a really irritating set of circumstances.  Be patient.‘   Sounds harsh but as David sees it we are still ‘before the Lord’, we wait patiently for Him.   In the poverty of our inner resources we turn to the Heavenly Father from whom comes the strength and the peace that are proof against every challenge.  

Still Quarrying 58 - Unfailing Love.

There are something like 26 references in the Psalms to the ‘unfailing love’ of God.   Whatever the circumstances, however he feels, the Psalmist is convinced that he is enfolded in the love of God.  No anxiety is strong enough, no pain sharp enough, no shadow deep enough to separate him from the unfailing love of his God.   And this was not wishful thinking or a leap into the dark.  He could turn his mind to the history of his people where that love had been demonstrated.   Before God delivered the Law to Moses He declared:

‘You yourselves have seen what I did to Egypt, and how I carried you on eagles’ wings and brought you to myself.’  (Exodus 19: 4).

God comparing His love for His people to the enveloping love of a mother eagle for her young.   A love that would be engrossed in the Law that was destined to shape the life of the nation of Israel:

‘I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt, out of the land of slavery.’  (Exodus 20: 2)

There can be no doubt that Saul the Pharisee would often reflect upon these words and seek to experience more of the love of God in his life.   He would carry this into his new life as Paul the Apostle but now he had more than the Exodus for his faith to feed upon.  You cannot read his letters without being struck by the centrality of the Cross to his faith and preaching.  He was well aware how much of a problem the Cross was to Jew and Gentile but still Paul persisted for here was the ultimate assurance of the love of God for humankind.  That it was shown in the midst of such suffering led Paul to make what is surely one of his boldest declarations:

‘I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.’  (Romans 8: 38)

The greatest aspiration of my life must be sharing that rock-solid conviction of the Apostle.  There is nothing in all creation that will ever be able to separate me from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.  

Still Quarrying 57 - Change.

In the midst of so much political uncertainty, speculation as to who will be the next Prime Minister and in the wake of the European election it was reassuring to read Psalm 33: 10-12:

The LORD foils the plans of the nations; he thwarts the purposes of the peoples. But the plans of the LORD stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations. Blessed is the nation whose God is the LORD, the people he chose for his inheritance.

Whatever the plans of governments they will always be subject to the purpose of God as it unfolds through the generations.  And ultimately a nation is judged not by its economic strength or how it is regarded in the wider world but where it stands with God.   It is yet another reminder of the limitations of political power.   Governments will always point to what has changed for the better in their time but how deep does that change go?  

Hilary Clinton”s book What Happened is an account of the Presidential election which she lost to Donald Trump.   Various factors are cited:  the FBI investigation into her personal email account, the probability of Russian interference, the fact that she is a woman and a distorted media presentation of her message.   

There are also moments of impressive candour.  She is quite clear that one reason for her failure is quite simply that people do not like her.  That reminded me of a comment Neil Kinnock made when he lost his second General Election as Leader of the Labour Party.  He said, ‘I have to face the fact that I am a political and personal failure.‘    

It is always an impressive moment when people face the reality of themselves and realise that there are aspects of their personality that come between themselves and others.  That takes honesty and humility.  But it is what happens next that is of supreme importance.  Will there be a shrug of the shoulders and a resigned ‘You can’t win them all.’  Or will there be a commitment to change?  

When I read the writings of the apostles in the New Testament I am challenged never to accept the way I am.   These men who were close to Jesus are constantly encouraging me to practise personal values that will not just be life-changing for me but also for the world.   Paul wrote to an early Christian community:

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.  (Colossians 3: 12-14)

When Paul writes this he must believe that this is possible, that people can reach towards these values and make them part of their lives.   As a former persecutor of the Church he knew what personal change was all about.  It was so radical that he could call himself a ‘new creation.’  Of course a ‘new creation’ needs a creator and Paul’s change came about because of an encounter with the Risen Christ and His vision of how Paul’s life would unfold from that moment.  The past with its failure was behind him, the future with Christ held the promise of change not merely for himself but for the world.  

Woody Allen once said: ‘My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.’   Well, Christian faith does not make you someone else but it presents the possibility that we can show in our lives the qualities of Someone else.   Jesus says:  ‘I am the vine; you are the branches.  Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit.‘   (John 15: 5)   It is where a nation stands in relation to this promise that lies its ultimate health and strength.  

Still Quarrying 56 - Restoration

Usually when I go into a charity shop it’s to have a look at the books.   On this occasion though something on the clothes rack caught my eye.  I think it was the colour.  A striking blue going on turquoise.  I had never seen jeans quite like that and they were brand new, with labels attached, right size and only £6. 75.  So the books were forgotten.   The brand wasn’t one I was familiar with so a look online and the discovery that if I were to buy the jeans on the high street they would cost me £110.  Well, that’s the kind of charity shop you get in North Berwick.  

Needless to say this story has been told quite a few times but not as much as the jeans have been worn.  You might say they are my favourite.  Sadly they are beginning to show the passage of the years.  The colour has faded and wear and tear is evident.  (Getting to the ‘fonti’ stage ie. fonti bits.)   They’ve been sewn and patched but it looks as if the future is recycling.   No matter how attached we get to ‘stuff’ the day comes when we have to let go.   

Some people have happier stories to tell of stuff that has seen better days being repaired.  BBC’s The Repair Shop has a group of expert craftsmen who use their skills to restore treasured antiques  and heirlooms.  It’s often very moving to see the impact of the restored item on the owner.  Many other tv programs have restoration as their theme: gardens, rooms, buildings.  There is obviously an enormous appeal in seeing something that seems to have come to the end being given a new lease of life.   It remains a repair job however and could very easily slip back into a less than happy state.  

This is very different from the restoration that we are promised in Christ.  Beyond the experience of death we are promised renewal of body, mind and spirit.  Paul turned to nature to find an adequate image that would throw light on this.  In 1 Corinthians 15: 42-44 he speaks of the body as a seed:

‘The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable;  it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power;  it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body.’

Something completely new emerges from the old, battered, worn-out personality that is ours, equipping us for life in the Eternal World.  Another image from nature not used by Paul but surely helpful is of the butterfly emerging from the chrysalis.  Leaving behind the dried-up husk and taking flight into a new experience of life.  

Jesus Himself is the proto-type of this restored life.  When he appeared to His followers after the Resurrection he was not immediately recognisable.  He was somehow changed.  He seemed to appear and disappear in a mysterious way.   Locked doors and walls appeared to be no barrier to him.   He was in possession of the body raised imperishable, raised in glory, raised in power, a spiritual body geared for life in the Eternal World.   And this is what we are promised.  Paul speaks of Jesus as ‘the firstborn among many brothers’ (Romans 8: 29).  The Risen Lord is presented to us as our destiny in the life to come.  

It’s not easy for us to conceive of a life without weakness, pain, disease or sin but this is what is involved in the Church’s faith in the resurrection of the body.   I was working on a sermon on this theme some years ago when a friend who had been unwell phoned.  ‘Have you got anything to say to me about the resurrection of the body,’ I said.  He replied: ‘Only that I’m longing for it.‘   That’ll do me for the time being.  

Still Quarrying 55 - Hard To Be Humble.

Slowly reading through Luke’s Gospel you can’t help feel that the stories in Chapters 1 and 2 are out of sync with the time of year.  That’s a fairly modern problem since Luke never envisaged a set Christian Year or lectionaries.   He would have been bewildered at the suggestion that any part of his Gospel should be tied to a particular time of the year.  So today I try to empty my mind of any seasonal associations and read of Gabriel’s visit to Mary and his announcement:

‘Greetings you who are highly favoured!  The Lord is with you.’  (Luke 1: 28)

It’s Mary’s response that is often said to take us to the heart of her being: 

‘Mary was greatly troubled at his words and wondered what kind of greeting this might be.’  (Luke 1: 29)

For some people Gabriel’s greeting may just have been confirmation of something they had always suspected.   We laugh when Mac Davis sings: ‘O Lord it’s hard to be humble when you’re perfect in every way . . .’  but there is more than just a squeak of that in our souls.  But look at Mary’s response.  She was ‘greatly troubled’.  What Gabriel was saying did not fit with her image of herself - if she had an image of herself.   This is what we call humility.  

We are constantly reminded that humility is at the heart of the Christian life.  Jesus impressed it upon His disciples.  Paul pronounced it as part of the fruit of the Spirit.  And yet the moment we become conscious of it we have mangled it.  There were two congregations in a village.  One was large and flourishing, the other was small and struggling.  The minister of the latter said to his people:  ‘Never mind what’s going on down the road.  For humility we’ve got them licked!‘  

We tend to think of humility as something to be shown in our personal relationships but Mary’s story reminds us that first and foremost humility is our default position before God.   She could not fathom the significance  she was being given and her place in God’s plan but she was willing to go with it.  And not blindly and unthinking.  She said: ‘I am the Lord’s servant.  May it be to me as you have said.‘  (Luke 1: 38)  She knew her God and trusted Him.  

I was once told a story about John Stott when he was going through a period of illness.  He was being visited by a friend and before he left John asked him to pray: ‘Pray that I may have the humility to accept this time.‘   Mary was able to cope with the greatest challenge of her life because of the room she had in her life for God and His ways.  This is what John aspired to in his weakness.   The way forward is to go with David when he says: ‘I have set the Lord always before me . . . ‘  (Psalm 16: 7)  When He is ‘set’ before us we have a proper perspective on ourselves.  

Still Quarrying 54 - Scaling A Wall.

We attended the Bone Marrow Transplant Clinic this week.  I’m not sure when it’s going to happen but stem cell transplantation will take place at the end of the present treatment regimen and will probably involve about two weeks in the Queen Elizabeth Hospital.  The outlook at present is good but it is sobering to remember that even if all goes well we will not be seeing a ‘cure’.    There is no definite cure for Multiple Myeloma.  Even if the treatment brings the best of outcomes there will always be the possibility of the disease becoming active again.

It is intimidating when you hear it or see it written: incurable.   But there are many Myeloma people who having undergone treatment are now getting on with their lives.   (I suppose, however, that to some extent it is a different life they are leading.  You can’t go through a treatment regimen like this and remain unchanged.)   So what we are working towards is the day when I can say: ‘They’ve dealt with the level of nasty stuff in my blood but they’ll still be keeping an eye on me.’  It’s then down to me to live as well as I can just as so many do who carry medical problems.   A major part of this will be following the Psalmist who in seeking a way out of circumstances that threatened to overwhelm him called to mind the being of God and His strength:

‘You, LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light.  

With your help I can advance against a troop; 

with my God I can scale a wall.’  (Psalm 18: 28-29)

These are the kind of words to put mettle in your soul.  But a question arises.  How seriously do I take this vision of God as the One who gives His people resources to overcome?  I was once part of a gathering of ministers who were told by the speaker, the Canadian theologian Don Carson, that we were all basically ‘functional atheists’.  We believe in God but do we really believe He can make a difference in our lives and the lives of communities?

We need to be delivered from a God who merely exists on a page and brought closer to the One who holds the Universe together, is even now renewing Creation according to His purpose and has a place for a renewed people in that renewed Creation.  Years ago J.B.Phillips wrote a book entitled Your God Is Too Small.  It’s a problem we all have but with our resources, Scripture, worship, prayer, we can expand our vision and deepen our experience.  

Still Quarrying 53 - Fear No Evil.

Radio 4’s Open Book has a regular feature called The Book I’d Never Lend in which reasonably well known personalities talk about a book that means so much they would never part with it.  I’ve often wondered what I would choose if put on the spot.  Too many to mention perhaps.  Near the top of the list though would be two books by David Watson: I Believe In The Church and Discipleship.  The former explores the importance of the people of God in the purpose of God and the latter what it really means to be a follower of Jesus, seeking to apply His teaching to our daily lives.  Both had a considerable impact on me and over the years I’ve returned to them time and again as the well-worn nature of my copies testify.  

You don’t hear much about David Watson these days but there was a time in the seventies and eighties when he was one of the best known Christians in the UK.  An Anglican vicar, he was given leeway to develop an evangelistic ministry which took him all over the world.  He gathered a team of actors and musicians whose gifts were a support to his powerful preaching.  

It was when he was preparing for a major teaching and preaching tour of America in 1983 that he was diagnosed with cancer of the bowel.  Subsequent surgery revealed that the disease had already spread to his liver.  Eleven months later he was dead at age 51.  

During his illness he wrote a book entitled Fear No Evil in which he tells his story but also explores the issues that confront Christians when faced with personal suffering.  It is very honest about the struggles he is undergoing particularly as he is part of the Charismatic tendency in the Church which would see healing as part of the everyday experience of Christians.  This is summed up in a telephone conversation David had with his friend John Wimber, the American evangelist.  He said: ‘I don’t accept this cancer and I believe that God wants to heal you.’  Whatever you make of this time went on and healing was not happening.  David was therefore faced with the challenge of suffering in the purpose of God.   How can He allow this?  What possible good can come of this?   Doesn’t God heal now as he did in the early days of the Church?

Reading the book again as a fellow cancer sufferer there is so much I can connect with not least the emotional turmoil that often has to be worked through.  One particular burden David carried as time went on was the awareness of hurt he had caused other people in the past and hurt he himself had received which had made for uneasy relationships.  He made reconciliation a priority as far as he was able.  This leads him into some areas that I personally would not be entirely comfortable with but his commitment to be at peace with those with whom he had been at odds is inspiring.  

For a long time I have thought of broken relationships as being part of the spectrum of suffering that we all have to endure.  In the same way that physical and mental disorder are experiences we have to accept and might never be resolved so broken relationships might never be resolved this side of eternity.   Think of David and Saul.  1 Samuel 24 tells of their encounter in which David tries to be reconciled to Saul.  Saul confesses that he has treated David badly and reveals his awareness that David will one day be King.  It is a powerful moment and yet in the end the two go their separate ways and there is no reconciliation.   David is still on the run and Saul ploughs his desperate furrow to the end.  

Sometimes we have to accept that broken relationships are part of human experience and like other manifestations of suffering may never be resolved.   That does not mean that we cool on our commitment to ‘live at peace with everyone.‘   Paul says: ‘If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.’  (Romans 12: 18)  Things can go wrong but make sure you are not the cause.  

I believe this ‘inner healing’ became more of a priority for David Watson than physical healing as the end drew near.   In the final pages of Fear No Evil he writes:

‘(God) showed me that all my preaching, writing and other ministry was absolutely nothing compared to my love-relationship with Him . . . God also showed me that any ‘love’ for him meant nothing unless I was truly able to love from my heart my brother or sister in Christ.’  

This is the double thrust of Christian teaching that will enable us in whatever circumstances to fear no evil.