One of the first medical television programs I can remember is Your Life In Their Hands. It was first shown in 1958 but revived at various times through the years. It’s a good title because to a large extent that is our relationship with the medical profession. There can come a point either in surgery or drug prescription that our lives are literally in their hands. When I had a Hickman line fitted before my stem cell transplant a nurse explained to me that there were certain risks involved. A vein could be nicked, a lung could be punctured, but if anything went wrong: ‘Don’t worry you are in the right place.’ Okay . . . In the event everything went well - and I was complimented for being so calm through the procedure - but it came home to me at that point how dependent I was on the skills and expertise of others. Sometimes if you want your life to go forward you have to learn to depend on those who know better than you.
To a large extent dependence is at the heart of faith. Being practically minded we don’t like to think of faith in an entirely passive way. What matters is how we work out our faith, how we put it into practice. But the passive and the active have to be held in balance. Put it another way. We begin to work out our faith as we learn to depend on the grace of God. Only His Spirit can provide us with the inspiration, strength and peace that are needed to live the life of faith. Too often we put the cart before the horse. That’s why in the providence of God we are given opportunities to learn more dependence on God. Sometimes our lives need to be stripped back in order that we appreciate where real quality of life comes from. And having experienced that life we are renewed in the depths of our being.
In a recent address given at a conference Joni Eareckson spoke of her daily struggles with her quadriplegia. Voice filled with emotion, she spoke of the days when she woke up saying: ‘God help me I can’t do quadriplegia today. But I can do everything through His strength.’ This is a soul touching that of Paul who said:
‘I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.’ (Philippians 4: 11-13)
There comes a point where circumstances strip us back physically, mentally and spiritually. That’s when we appreciate a strength beyond our own strength.
Jesus’ experience in Gethsemene is a mystery in many ways but as I turn to it I see Him stripped back, brought to the end of Himself. Not because of the prospect of the physical pain of crucifixion but because of the prospect of appearing before a holy God as the sin of the world and receiving God’s judgement on that sin. But even as the spiritual black hole opens up Luke tells us ‘An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him.’ (Luke 22: 43) It is then He is able to live His commitment: ‘Not what I will, but what you will.’ (Mark 14: 36) He can place His life in His Father’s hands. I read recently of a senior Jesuit who when approaching the end of his life wrote:
‘More then ever I find myself in the hands of God. This is what I have wanted all my life, from my youth. But now there is a difference; the initiative is entirely with God. It is indeed a profound spiritual experience to know and feel myself so totally in God’s hands.’
These things have been on my mind through a challenging few weeks. I was told that post-transplant I could expect to find my energy at a low ebb from time to time. I don’t welcome times like this but perspective can bring blessings. I may not enjoy the spiritual valleys but as the shepherd who became a king once wrote of his God:
‘I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.’ (Psalm 23: 4)
My life always in His hands.
