Tomorrow I’ll have a Hickman line fitted in preparation for the stem cell transplant which will begin on Sunday. This is a catheter which will enable the chemotherapy, the stem cells and whatever else may be required to flow more easily into my system. I’ll be in the Queen Elizabeth Hospital for roughly three weeks. I’m not sure how this will affect the blog. My laptop gave up the ghost a long time ago but there may still be a way to keep it up. Whatever, I’ll still be writing when I feel up to it so it might be a case of after the famine the feast.
As I have mentioned in previous blogs it will be a demanding experience. Nausea, fatigue, weight loss and hair loss are guaranteed and care needs to be taken with regard to infection. I had my hair cropped last Saturday and much appreciated the kindness of all the staff at Taylor Ferguson’s. I didn’t fancy coming out of the shower one morning looking like the Wolf Man so it’s practically all gone. I got a bit of a boost when my pal Norman Stone told me I looked a bit like Elvis after his pre-army haircut. Now that’s the kind of thing you like to hear.
It has been strange standing outside Christmas but perhaps that has meant more time for reflection. That has been helped by a novel I have mentioned in a previous blog: God’s Pauper by Nikos Kazantzakis. It’s an imaginative take on the life of Francis of Assisi and follows his life of discipleship from the moment he felt called to give up his privileged life and serve God by serving those on the margins of society. This involved following the example of Jesus in His compassion for the poor and outcast.
Many before and after Francis have been touched by this strong imperative but it has to be remembered that Jesus did not hear this call to sacrificial living at some point in His life on earth. Philippians 2: 5-11 takes us into the realm of Eternity where the Son of God came to a realisation of what was demanded to be Saviour of the world, that He should become a human being and give His life for the salvation of humankind. Towards this end He ‘did not consider equality with God something to be grasped’, He did not hold on to His divine privileges but emptied Himself of everything that set Him apart from us, except His sinlessness, so that He would be the One to pay the price of the world’s sin.
It is such a rich passage of Scripture. So much could be said about it. What is weighing most heavily with me at this moment is the thought that ‘loss’ need not be the tragedy we are conditioned to believe it is. Jesus’ loss was His and the world’s gain. Many Christian people will tell you that it was in times of loss - bereavement, sickness, unemployment - that they felt most powerfully drawn to Christ and went on to live lives that stand as an inspiration and an encouragement. We admire people like that who have responded so positively to life’s challenges. We sometimes forget that followers of Jesus are all called to live through the worst in the presence and power of the Holy Spirit and to trust that God’s plan for our lives is not being denied even by the deepest darkness that may fall upon mind, body or soul.
That is a message that we need to keep firmly in our grasp as we approach another turning of a year. We have no control over the passage of time but we have the assurance of the One who promises: ‘I will never leave you or forsake you.’
